Monday, June 15, 2020
Thursday, May 28, 2020
Picture it Sicily 2013…..Okay It wasn’t really Sicily or anywhere close it was Utah and it’s where it all began.
Hi my name is Mimi or Miriam or Miri or any number of names I’ve been called over the years and this is my story of going through to put my son up for adoption.
I was a 19 Year old girl in her first year of college and scared to death about being an adult and trying to do everything on my own. My life felt like it was spiraling out of control trying to help my boyfriend cope with his abusive family as well as hold up and handle my whole new adult life. Suddenly I also find out on top of everything I’m pregnant and I’m horribly terrified. I was afraid to try to have a child when I knew my family wouldn’t want to help and didn’t want to risk putting my son in danger having him anywhere near his father’s abusive family.
After some talking to friends and a few family members I started looking into adoption but I was scared. I was afraid of what kind of people they might be, what questions might he have? Will he know that I love him even if I gave him up? What if something happens and they need medical information but don’t have it? I was terrified and being adopted myself made me think of the issues I’d had with the closed adoption where we didn’t have any medical information and made me think of all the questions I’ve had throughout my life. That’s when I heard about Open adoptions, an adoption where I could still meet the parents and know them and if they ever had any questions they could ask me. If it ever got too hard or became too much we could cut contact but at least there was a chance there to answer the questions and give them any information they may need. At this point I started looking through families and stumbled upon Brian and Rebekah.
I was told to try sending them an email and spent a few hours pouring over it looking at it thinking “What do I say and will they like me”. Finally I worked up the courage and sent the first email, and a few hours later I got a reply and so began what very quickly became the start of something amazing. In the first week we exchanged more than 100 emails just going back and forth all the time talking about our likes and dislikes, talking about silly family stories and our favorite foods just about everything. It was so easy to talk to them and for the first time in months I started to get the feeling that things might turn out okay.
As time went on we talked constantly and eventually I met them in person and we ate homemade delicious (not even kidding right now like it was to die for) Cinnamon Rolls that Rebekah had made for the event. After that we got to go around more and have more “dates” where we hung out and I got to know them. The more we talked and the more time I spent with them the more safe I felt the more relaxed I got. Initially it was supposed to be just my ex and I in the hospital room but I wanted to ask Rebekah to be there cause I was scared my mom wouldn’t be there no one else would be there and I was terrified. Rebekah smiled and laughed when we talked about it and I admitted I really didn’t know how to say it besides “Do you wanna be in the room with me while I scream my head off having this kid cause I’m terrified and don’t wanna be alone?” She agreed and I felt this wave of relief again while I realized that I could be okay with her there.
As it drew closer to my due date we spent a lot of time talking and even had a night where I asked them to come over so I could make them my tasty spaghetti and sauce and to try to distract myself from how big I was getting and how close I was to not having that weight there anymore (because believe me at the end you just want it done with it’s cute when they kick but it’s nice to not just suddenly go I HAVE TO PEE RIGHT NOW!) That night we all sat and talked and laughed and Brian made a little bit of a joke that I’m just gonna be late and that rather than having the baby on the 16th I was gonna have him on the 18th. We all laughed and continued our night of jokes, good food and good company.
Finally The week came that the baby was due I was so excited at this point to get to see this little child I had made and to see that I actually could make a human. I was excited to watch Brian and Rebekah see their son for the first time and excited to know that no matter what happened in my life that this little boy would be safe in a home that loved him with parents who could give him the world. Then the unthinkable happens, the 16th comes an goes and nothing he’s still just kicking inside happy as can be but not trying to leave just yet. You see he heard his soon to be dad and just had to go with the joke so what happens? January 18th I’m woken up by contractions, The 18th the same day Brian made the joke about me having him. I was going to text Rebekah but thought I’d wait to be sure the contractions continued and they did through the day. Mid day I decided to finally text Rebekah and I did it the only proper way in this situation: by making a joke. Me: “What did Brian do?!” Rebekah: “What do you mean what happened, what's wrong??” Me: “Well you see it’s the 18th and this morning I was woken up by contractions. How did he know this is he really magic and not just a magician?” Rebekah is ecstatic and runs to tell Brian who is surprised to hear his joke is actually coming true and that he is truly magic not just a magician (though he will probably still deny it I see through his magical tricks)
That night we all went to the hospital to have who would soon be known as Daniel Fox South, their first child and the baby that I actually made who didn’t actually turn out to be an alien even if I questioned a few times (let’s be honest kicking is cool but also feels a little scary at first especially when you’ve been shown Prometheus for the first time while you are pregnant). In the car on the way my ex pulled out starburst asking if any of us wanted any and we all laughed and ate some. We went through the night and at 4am on January 19th came the little cry the sweet little boy, their first son, they got to laugh and see this tiny little baby. We laughed and we cried but we had a good time. They came everyday till we left the hospital and every day we smiled and laughed and made even more memories.
Putting a child up for adoption can be hard, it can be scary and can be an emotional process but for me it was worth it. My son never had to see me in the abusive relationships he never had to know what it was like or to see the fighting. He’s grown up with amazing parents who have shown him unconditional love every single day. He’s gotten to learn about everything he’s ever wanted to and has been given every opportunity to learn more. He’s grown up knowing his feelings are valid and being treated with so much love and is one of the happiest little boys you’ll ever see. He’s been supported in everything he’s wanted to do. Become a singer? He got a karaoke machine with lots of songs and got to learn about music and singing. Become a cop? He’s gotten to meet cops see the inside of a police car and even given his own little cop car. I may have given them the chance to be parents but Brian and Rebekah gave me the chance to see a happy healthy son who never has had to know just how hard and scary life can be.
Eventually someone will come along and they will give him another huge gift. They will give him the chance to be a brother and know what love it is to have a sibling. This person will give him an amazing gift to learn and grow a close bond with someone that he hasn’t had yet. It truly is a gift to know that he’s happy healthy and has his needs so easily fulfilled and to know that he still knows just how much he is loved every single day. Pregnancy can be hard and thinking of giving up your baby can be even scarier but when it’s a family like this you get to see just how amazing a gift it can be to know this family. They are my everything and I love them more than anything in this world.